16. Float in a sensory deprivation tank

I'm going to write this whole post without mentioning the movie Altered States.

Damn. I already failed.

Last week I spent an hour and a half floating on an epsom salt solution, closed inside a dark, quiet tank. Reminiscent of a space pod, the tank was about eight or so feet long and maybe four feet wide. It was just tall enough in there to sit up and too dark for me to see my hand two inches in front of my face.

Bzew! Bzew! Bzew! (Those are space laser sounds)

I wouldn't call myself claustrophobic, but I definitely got a little anxious thinking about closing myself in there for almost two hours. I've had my mild claustro moments in the past: in a tiny bunk under the deck of a sailboat, in a small tent in the middle of the night when I forgot where I was, and one empathetic episode while watching a movie in which someone was buried alive.

Anxiety!

No, I was not 100% digging the idea of climbing into that tank.

But, Project 100 is all about trying things that make me a little uncomfortable. And I've been wanting to see what the hype is about for awhile.

I made an appointment two weeks ahead of time; they were booked out solid! If popularity is any measure of how great the float would be, I had lots to look forward to. I was met by a delightful woman when I arrived. She took a full ten minutes to explain everything and answer all of my questions. She said that the tanks are actually used as treatment for people who suffer from claustrophobia. She told me that they are really comforting once you're in there.

So I climbed in with the little optional neck pillow, closed the door, and flipped around a little in the dark. On my stomach. On my back. With pillow. Without pillow. Damn! Water in my ears! But I came to favor reclining on my back with no pillow. The water just holds you. It embraces you. "I'm back inside my mom's womb," I thought. And I really thought it! I felt safe. I missed my mom. I thought about being a child and remembered what it felt like to surrender your care completely to someone else. I remembered when I didn't know how shitty the world could be and when it was all okay because my mom was 100% on my side.

Peace.

But I'm going to stop short of saying I had an amazing time. I was kinda uncomfortable the whole time I was in that thing. I couldn't breathe through my nose (allergies) and the back of my neck wouldn't relax, no matter what I did. And I had to pee. Then I got some of the salt water in my eyes (advice: don't do that!). And it went on like this. My neck hurt, my eyes burned, and I couldn't breath. I was in and out of the pod a couple times and finally started to calm down and drift a little when the music turned on. My time was up!

But! I was not claustrophobic in the slightest. Oddly, the pod felt vast once I was floating in it.

When I left, there was a man at the front desk. He said, "how was your float?"

I told him honestly, but not in a complain-y way. And he assured me that my experience is common with first time floaters. He offered my 50% off my next visit and urged me to give it one more try. I probably will. I really want to like this and I don't think I quite mastered it enough to come to a fair verdict.

And in the end, it was worth it for those few moments of true security. It is hard to explain, but nothing else in the world matters when you are floating.